Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Anti Thirsty Woman Guide: Take Back Your Power

Thirsty 
/ˈTHərstē/
1. Too eager to get something (especially play)
2. Desperate

Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).
While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. 
The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. 
Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 
1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 
2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.
3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.
4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 
5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.
More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. 
So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. 
Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. 
You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. 
I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. 
We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way.
 There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. 
While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. 
If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.